F-O-C-U-S

I had an occasion to visit with someone who I haven't seen in a few years. She is a beautiful, warm, funny, intelligent and non-BSing woman. And I love her like she's my sister. =)

Once all the catching up was done, she said something to me that literally moved me -- like in I jerked my head & my jaw dropped ! She could tell by my physical reaction that she had hit a nerve.

"You seem so ... so ... UNlike YOU. I can't put my finger on it, but you're NOT the same person I've come to love and admire. What happened to that person ?"

WTF was she talking about ?!?! I'm still ME, still the same dorky nut-job that she's known for the past 28 years !! I was speechless (trust me, that's QUITE an accomplishment for me !) and I think more than just a tad offended. I told as much & she countered with that she didn't mean to insult me, but that it was as if my "inner glow" had dimmed considerably. She was worried, that's all.

I agreed to do allow her to help me do some "digging" to shed some light on what exactly she meant. We covered the past 2 decades -- the good, the bad & the ugly. Slowly, slowly I began to realize the meaning behind her astuteness. And like all great friends, she let me make that discovery at my own pace until the light bulb FINALLY lit up. I have constricted my FOCUS -- plain & simple. Sounds that way, eh ? But it's really NOT that plain nor simple.

Everyone has different focus -- some are apparent & some not so much & still some prefer NOT to try and focus at all. Anyone who knows me, knows that MY life is S-T-R-U-C-T-U-R-E-D chaos and I function best when 85-90% of my mental duckies are in a semi-straight line. I DO allow for coloring outside of the lines -- may not happen at appropriate times, but that's how I roll. I know this, I accept it and it works for me. Those whom I call best friends, accept me as I am.

So when she dropped that bombshell on me, my world's axis tilted a little more to the left than usual. Here all this time I thought I was keeping pretty good track of myself, considering all the crap that has hit my life-fan in the past 20 yrs. So I wasn't prepare for the honesty, that on the surface, I perceived to be brutal when in fact it was just an honest observation by someone, whose opinion I regard very highly.

We parted on the best of terms like always and I assured her that after the initial shock I was once again kool. But it seems I'm not. It's been 2 weeks since that visit & more often than not, I find my mind turning that convo over & over in my mind like the proverbial rotisserie spit. The more it turns, the more I'm tempted to "baste" it with some kind of salve instead of the "drippings" of the real meat of that convo. Could it be I'm scared to face it ? Nahhhhh, I doubt it. Could it be I'm just trying to OVER rationalize it ? Mmmmmmmm cooooood be, but doubtful. Whatever the impetus, I think I've discovered the root of the problem & have arrived at the reasonable solution.

I've spent the last 17 years (ever since Pop died) trying to ignore my probable fate -- if I beat it, it'll NEVER happen to ME. Well THAT was a waste of 17 yrs cos it HAS happened to me & I went into panic mode and THAT'S when my focus became constricted. It's a proven fact that the human brain cannot analyze, disseminate and come up with solutions to more than 2 things at one time. So whomever sold us the manure pile that multi-tasking is THE way to go about our daily lives, should be immediately deposited in said manure pile ! But I digress .....

I've narrowed my focus on avoiding diabetes and am trying to balance too many "balls" in that regard so now I've made it THE focus of my life. Now don't get me wrong -- avoiding diabetes is a GOOD thing, but at what cost of the remaining aspects of my life ??

It's ALL about balance. Life is nothing but strife, confusion and pain if balance can't be achieved. The sooner we get that balance, the better the remainder of our lives will be. The perfect equation for balance is as individual as fingerprints. What works for YOU may not necessarily do the same for ME. However, the building blocks of balance are the same .....

1) Admit, FINALLY, that you are human and as such are genetically wired to make mistakes. The key is to LEARN from them so that you don't spend your life repeating them.

2) Take care of this "machine," cos it's the ONLY ONE WE GET. It's harder to do than to say, but can mean the difference between reaching your final destination in a "well-used, but well-kept" state OR arriving there a burnt out shell.

3) It pays to feed this machine the way it was meant to be fed. Think of it like this ..... would you put crappy fuel into your prized Bugatti ??? Didn't think so !

4) Effort .... that's all it takes .... just a little effort each and every day to eat clean and healthily.

5) Movement beats the snot out of painful stagnation due to bad choices. ANY movement is a GOOD thing.

6) Balance CAN be achieved once you're right with yourself. Make YOU your first priority and the rest will fall into place.

7) And finally -- make yourself lose focus every once in a while -- it'll make all things come in soooooooo much clearer afterward.

Thanks for reading & I wish only balanced days ahead for all of us !!

It's not like the old adage tells us

It's NOT that easy to get back on that bicycle & ride. I found this out recently. First some background .........

Three years ago I decided that I wanted a bike -- not a fancy-schmancy one, just a plain old bike. Who would have thought that finding a coaster brake, single speed bike would be so HARD ???? After an exhaustive search, I found a bike -- sort of. It is a three speed with coaster brake -- I figured half right was better than none right ... right ? It is a 26inch somethingorother in metallic cadet blue -- QUITE handsome, I must admit.

Fast forward to about 2 months ago. Yeah, unfortunately things & life being what they are, I never got on that bike -- UNTIL 2 months ago .... long story & not an interesting one at that. Anyhoo, with childlike anticipation and excitement, I dragged it out from under the house & wiped it down, oiled the chain & proceeded to throw my leg over the saddle to mount & ride like the wind !!! Wellllllllllll not really.

Seems my eyes are MUCH bigger than my actual stature, for I could not clear the saddle to get my leg to the other side. Did I mention it is a BOY'S bike ?? Now I rode boy's bikes when I was younger. Yeah clearing that bar in the middle was tedious, but manageable -- at 15 yrs of age, most definitely NOT at 51 yrs of age !! But I finally managed to get on the dammed thing & DID get it going so I figured that's half the battle, right ? Noooooooooo, actually it was just the beginning of the skirmish between human versus machine.

Stopping became interesting as I clearly remember that all you had to do was push BACK on the pedals. Wellllll, that's true but only if you're riding at a normal speed not cruising speed. Push back, push back, PUSH BACK -- why isn't this infernal machine slowing ?!?! Coming up fast is the driveway & I'm still barreling along at a good clip, trying desperately trying to slow down. 15 feet .... 10 feet .... 5 feet .... DAMMIT, YOU MISSED THE DRIVEWAY !!! And DOWN the hill I went. Finally I got the bike to stop at the bottom of the hill. No way was I going to pedal UP the hill to the driveway.

Now a new problem presented itself -- how to dismount without #1 falling off, #2 tipping the bike into the ditch or #3 having me AND the bike land in the ditch. Now I'm pretty good at being semi-coordinated (for being a klutz at my core), unfortunately, this time wasn't one of those instances. So I sorta leaned & jumped and by the grace of the Divine, the bike and I managed to miss the ditch, but it DID fall over & I DID stumble, but stayed upright.

So I walked the bike back up the hill & instead of just turning into the driveway, I decided that what I needed was P-R-A-C-T-I-C-E and proceeded to try & re-mount. Seems it's easier to do this on a LEVEL surface, and not on the crest of a hill. Then I had a BRILLIANT idea !! Put the bike in the cement ditch & mount from the road !!! I can exit the ditch at the graveled end & be on my way !! WOOOOO HOOOOOOO !!!

Ahem, many an idea are best left just as that -- an IDEA. Execution was difficult, scary & downright UNgraceful to say the least. But I did manage to get back on & away I went. I did one more circuit around the neighborhood & headed back home. THIS time I hit the driveway (AND managed to miss BOTH cars !) AND get the bike to stop. Then came the dismount.

Seems in my zealousness to conquer machine, I didn't take into account the fact that I hadn't ridden a REAL bike in 30 yrs & my first outing was probably a 3 mile trek -- my legs let me know that immediately. Stumbling and eventually falling onto the patio made for a less than stellar dismount (not to mention the patio rash !) and resulted in Beener coming to my rescue by lifting the bike OFF me & helping me onto my jello-y legs. But I came up smiling, cos I BEAT THE MACHINE & WON !!

Since that reintroduction to bike riding, I have purchased a 24inch bike (21 speeds, and THAT'S a whole other story !) and have to admit that I now remember why I loved biking so much as a kid & teenager. The wind thru my hair, iPod blaring in my ears and the knowledge that I CAN go back & be a kid -- if only for an hour or so a day.